The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus so he asks his class, “where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “how do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bang on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?”
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : *raises hand* Teacher : ... The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
How do emo's compliment each other?
They say " I like your cuts g"
How to you trick a catholic priest into using the glory hole at a adult bookstore? tell him it is a confessional booth
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate' "
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '
friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys
How do you get four prostitutes on one chair? You turn it upside down
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
Hi, Welcome to Dave's Orphanage you make them we take them how may I help you?
