Hows jokes
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
Memes
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
Hey D.K., how are you? :)
Love you!
How do you organize a rave party in Ethiopia? Just put some bread on the ceiling.
Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
You are in the airway, how funny!
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
Twin: Hey twin, how's it going?
Twin 2: Weird, twin. Bye.
Twin: Not funny, dude.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."