Hows jokes
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.
How do emos fly? They hang themselves.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
How many East Asians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tu.
I just overheard this but:
How do you make a party in space?
You planet.
How do you have sex? You take off your clothes and shove your dick in the girl's pussy. If girl suck his dick.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
How do you think Julius Caesar killed his enemies?..
With a pair of Caesars! 😂😂👌
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"