Hows jokes
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
How do u get 40 cigarettes in a pack?
U shove them down his throat. 🤣😂
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
How does a train eat?
"Chew chew!"
How does an emo greet people?
“What’s down?”
*Shotguns in a nutshell*
2B: MUST.
4B: ADD.
6B: MORE.
12B: *B A R R E L S*
*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
How does an orphan call his parents?
"..."
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!