Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
Hows Jokes
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
How do you make a trash can leak?
Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
I like my people how I like my tea...
In a bag under water.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"
Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."
Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
