I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
Hows Jokes
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
How do you name a Chinese person?
You drop a metal spoon on a tile floor.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
How were tire swings made?
A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
How did you get that? Used your life savings?
How do you get 100 Pikachus on a bus?
- Pokémon
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
