Hows jokes
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a power cut.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!