Howe jokes
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Memes
FOR REAL
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
How do mountains see? They peek.
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.