Howe jokes
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
Memes
Relatable
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
How do mountains see? They peek.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))