Howe jokes

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his whopper.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

How do you get a cow to eat?

Give it mooshrooms!

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?

Put ranch dressing on it.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.