I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
There are different types of Pokémon.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
How does the bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
