Howe jokes

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One if you throw it hard enough.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

How does a disabled kid walk to school?

He wishes he had the facilities to.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

How do you spell ihop?

Then spell ihop and say "ness".

How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.

How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2

-Harpoon it.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.