Howe jokes
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
Memes
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!