Howe jokes

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

How does a train eat?

It goes, "chew chew."

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?

None, because they all cry in the dark.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.