Howe Jokes

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

-Lift up your foot.

How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?

They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "this lemonade tastes like bleach..."

How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp? Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.

How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that??

How do you start a rave? Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.

how does a train eat?

it goes chew chew

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.