Howe jokes

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

You shoot him in the face.

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

How would you best describe prostate cancer?

Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!

How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.

How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as you like. They can’t change anything.

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

"I was on top!"

All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

"I'm having puppies!"

Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?

A: It rises every morning.

A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!