Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
bully: im going to hurt you so bad You: well..your IQ is same amount of teeth im about to knock out so...your so dumb that you cant don't even know how to do that
and your IQ is 5
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had Dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tear left to cry...
Q How can you tell the sun is a boy A it rises every morning
How do you get a clown to stop smiling
You shoot him in the face
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
