How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won't ever see my dog again! Italian: I won't ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a "choice". But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called "murder".
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? -- Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
FIRST DATE
man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher..
Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don't have a ...
How do you avoid getting raped? Never say no
Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom
How are giants and strippers alike? They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
How to make a orphans hand bleed??? By making them clap until there parents come back.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a sea-saw
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer? there is sperm on the computer screen
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today" and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron". Then the first atom said "How Ionic"
at a date : he: i work with animals everyday me: oh how sweet!what do you do? he:I'm a butcher
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
