How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail it’s hand to the floor
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like a the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How you ask? Ask the Twin Towers
How do win an argument against an emo? Kick the chair!
Imagine your new playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1:shoot someone Option 2:suicide
Me: aren't they the same thing?
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says "Oh what chest!" " That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says "Oh what legs!'' He says "That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says "Why were you running?" She said I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
How do You punish helen keller.
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
How do you punish a blind guy? You leave a plunger in the toilet
How do you start a school shooting at a black school? Call the cops
how did the gay girl die? homocide
So I was at a funeral the other day and it was a school shooting mass funeral, and the lady beside me asked me, “ what do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “ How dare you you have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “well they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
Q: how many children does it take to shingle a roof? A: depends on how thinly you slice them
crappy joke warning how does spongbob have fun he smokes seaweed
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished.
The dog lead went slack
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
racecar backwards is racecar but racecar sideways is how paul walker died
How many feminist does it take to change a lightbulb?
What makes you think feminist can change anything
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole? -- Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
