Howe Jokes

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up, I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

how do you get your grass to cut itself. make it depressed

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

How do parents punish their blind kids?

They re-arrange the furniture

The judge asked me "How does 5 to 10 years sound?" I said "Sexy."

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis, we talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing to her about being suicidal, she's been very helpful throughout it, I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

I like my oreos how I like my victims.... Drowning

A teacher asks a boy in her class "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says "The one sucking it." The boy says "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."

I like my people how I like my tea..

In a bag under water.

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him "sir are you drunk?" The man responds "No sir i'm not drunk." So the Officer asks "how high are you?" And the man responds "no sir, its high how are you."