One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?
You turn it upside down.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
