How To jokes
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.
Why do orphans have phones?
Because they don't know how to call home.
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?
Take a dump on her vagina!
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they cannot find home.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
Yo mama was so dumb, he didn't know how to turn on his computer.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
How to make emo cakes:
Milk Butter Eggs Sugar We're Going Down Swinging!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know how to get to home.