House Jokes

Anonymous

whats black and sits at the top of the stairs? stephen hawkings during a house fire.

Anonymous

What does a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We’re all empty on the inside.

Breaking News! - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled “just in case”.

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

MONSTER

went to my friend’s house fucked his sister

i hade a fun fenaral / birthday

Anonymous
in Toilet Paper

How can toilet paper decorate your house

Shit sticks everywhere

Kenneth kyser
in Head

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed… The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that’s not Bubba. The second friend said he’s burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn’t understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that’s not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don’t know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.

Cam
in Orphan

:What’s an orphans favorite Netflix show Fuller house

mason Schuler

when your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school. When you get home your mom with the belt going 1k m9iles per hour.

Dreameater69

What’s the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don’t have a million dollars laying around my house.

I’m baaad
in Michael Jackson

How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

The big hand is on the little hand!

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Anonymous
in Orphan

Why can’t orphanes play poker because they don’t know what a full house is

in Sister

My mom said don’t fuck whores.

So i kicked my step sis out the house.

You know who

There was a boy a named Sammy and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne but she didn’t notice him or talk to him but one day she did and they end up liking each and getting married and lived happil- wait no that’s not right Sammy snuck in Raynes house at night and Kidnapped her locked her in his basement and turned her in a puppet so she be with him forever and ever. The End.

3
in Poor

Im so poor that when robbers break into my house

they bring me things <_>.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the fool’s house.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

The chicken.

Anonymous

When you go to your friends house to fuck her brother but reliaze he’s you brother from your mom’s side.

Apparently I’m not aloud home house fires, but the neighbours their house burnt lovely

Good night Trojan
in Puns

Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relived. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. Nitrogen! The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good nigh-“

Sailor

A man gets an email from his doctor

“Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it’ll be at your house tommarrow”

The man thinks to himself “oh shit! Then what have I been taking?”

4