House jokes
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
Bob: Can I come to your house to meet your family?
Orphan: I don't have a family.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
Just told Putin to get some b*tches.
Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
The orphan tried to play baseball, but he couldn't get home because home doesn't exist for him.
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Buy KFC = 1 dead orphan in your house.