House

House jokes

Adoption papers

    • So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

    He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

    Car

    • A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

    The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

    Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

    The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

    So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

    Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

    The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

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    • House memes

    Time

    • Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

    Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

    Mama

    • Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

    App

    • Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

    Wheelchair

    • Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

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