House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
House Jokes
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Don’t like this post, or else I will go to your house and eat you! 😈
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have a home screen.
You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.
Because it’s empty inside.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
What do you call a house party for slaves?
An auction house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
What's the difference between a flower and an orphan?
One is allowed in the house.
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
