Hotness jokes
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
Why is Mercury so hot? I know, because the sun is killing Mercury.
What do you call a pig in the mud?
A Ky hot brown.
I set a wheelchair on fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
What did President Ford say when he met Betty?
"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."
You're in Australia. Your forehead is the reason why Africa is so hot.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?
Hot Wheels.
Mrs. Kadie, I heard about this Mr. Beast video about veggie burgers. I hope that you didn't trick me again.
Mr. Beast: Today we're gonna be eating a hot tender burger.
Mrs. Kadie: OMG he didn't say vegan!
Viewers: HAHAHA we tricked you!
Mrs. Kadie: That's it Mr. Beast, we're gonna pour blood on your face!
Mr. Beast & Chandler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1!
How does a rapper stay warm in the winter?
With some HOT TRACKS!
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?
'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.
Bro, the Twin Towers got a hot and ready from Jets.
What's Japan's favorite hot sauce?
Da Bomb.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
So I told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldn't stop crying.
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Son: Daddy?
Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.
Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?
Dad: Wtf are you talking about?
Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?
Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc
Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.
Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz
Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em
Mom: What the fugde is going on?
Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.
Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?
Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.
Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.
Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??
Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!
Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.
Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!
Son: Huh
Son: Mom FUCK U*
Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off
Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH
Son: Moms are the worst, are they?
Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh
How much is McDonald's on a hot day?
Trump cut the company's advertising spending on Spotcom by 25%.