Smoking

ImAPerson

Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

Difference

Anonymous

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

Girl

Anonymous

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

Fire

Anonymous

What do you call Stephen HAawking on fire

Hot wheels

Sister

Person Man

My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question

Puns

Hot Angle

Why was the obtuse angle hot?

It Was More Than 90*

Girl

Anonymous

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

Wife

Anonymous

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Wet

KiritoHD

Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.

Priest

Anonymous

On a hot summers day a famous celebrity tweeted " it is a beautiful day and I`m deciding which kid to have fun with today" to which the local priest replied " I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today".

Sister

Hes Here

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC’s so he goes home and ask his mom who’s cooking “Whats the first letter of the ABC’s?” he ask and his mom responds with “SHUT UP… I’M COOKING!” so then he walks to sister who’s signing in the shower and asks her “Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC’s?” she responds with “I’m ready to go I’m ready to go!” then he walks over to his brother who’s watching batman and asks “Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC’s” and his brother responds with “nu nu nu nu batman” then he proceeds to walk to his dad who’s watching football and ask “Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC’s?” and he responds with “95 HIT EM HARD!” then he walks to his grandma who’s cooking buns and ask her “Whats the 5th letter of the ABC’s?” and she responds with “MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!” then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class “Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC’s” Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says “SHUT UP I’M COOKING!” then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says “Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?” then he proceeds to say “I’m ready to go I’m ready to go!” and he walks to the principals office then she says “What’s you’re name son?” he responds with “Nu nu nu nu batman!” then the principal ask “How many spanken’s boy?!” he responds with “95 HIT EM HARD” and after that he runs out of the principal’s office well yelling “MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!”

Sister

Anonymous

Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that

Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA

Fire

Paralyzed Kid

My little cousin’s birthday was in a few days and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming “HOT WHEELS!”

Leper

Anonymous

what do you get after a leper has a hot bath… porridge.

Bar

Anonymous

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, “I thought you guys only drink blood?”

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, “I’m making tea.”

America

Robert Himes

North Korea and the martians were fighting about who was going the reach venus first. Trump steps in and says " That doesn’t matter american is going to land on the sun first". The martians and North Korea said “you can’t land on the sun it’s to hot and you will die”. Trump said his brilliant plan that “America is going to land their at night”.

Body

Meh

ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin’ hot body.

Race

Anonymous

a hot dog and a banana had a race who won

the WIENER

Girlfriend

Anonymous

A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun?

B : They’re both hot?

A : They’re both massive.

Degree

2k2k

why was it so hot in a square room? because all the corners are 90 degrees

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