New Hotness Jokes

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.

I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

What did President Ford say when he met Betty?

"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

Why was the mountain in love with the volcano?

Because the volcano was hot!

Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.

Oh wait, I am.

What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

Animals are just... so hot!

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.

What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.

Sex is like pizza.

When it’s hot, it’s great.

When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"