Horse Jokes

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

i wanna die cos i lost my horse on minecraft

What is a cowboy’s favorite tree? A horse chestnut tree.

A horse says to they other horse are you hot?

The other horse says ahhhh a house that talks

me when

A brown horse is standing inside what appears to be a convenience store, with its head pointed down and a stream of yellow granular material coming out of its mouth and falling to the floor.

What do you call a horse that does karate?

A horse.

Yooooooooooooooooooooooo!

A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?