Horse Jokes

If wishes were horses Beggars would ride: If turnips were watches I would wear one by my side. And if if’s and an’s were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?

Stop horsing around!

you know how to draw a horse if no look in a mirror and draw what you see

What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?

Pony-tails

Horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies saying "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart." The bartender responds saying "oh" sympathetically. "sucks to be you!" The bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.

The other day while I was going down on my grandma , I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her !!!!!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, He's only an egg."

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money bartender says you gotta do 3 task he takes the shot of Jack and the customer says what are the tasks he says the 1st one is but the 1st 1 is I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth and you gotta pull it he says all right what's the 2nd 1 he said I got a big old girl upstairs that aint had no loving in a long time you gotta make her smile he takes another shot of Jack he said all right what's the 3rd 1 he said you see that horse outside you gotta make him laugh and cry Guy goes upstairs goes out back comes out to the front comes back in the other customer said give him the jar The guy says I took care of that lady's tooth and I made that alligator smile well how'd you make the horse laugh he said easy i told him I had a bigger deck then him bartender says how did you make him cry he said easy I showed him

"Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall.... All the kings horses and all the kings men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

"rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows

the cradle will rock when the bough breaks

the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

when the bough breaks the cradle will fall

and down will come baby cradle and all"

Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

What did the horses say to the donkeys Jackasses please like

Are u a horse cuz I wanna ride u

😫 😂 😑 🤔 😳 😬 😑 🙄 🥴 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸 🍸 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🐴 🐴 🐴 🐴 Why did the pope drink horse piss because a priest asked him what would he do for a klondike bar 🤪 😜

Q: What do gay horses say?

A: Geigh!!!

why couldn't the horse give out a speech? option one: horses can't speak at all option two: his voice was a little *hoarse*

A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.

Person: My pony is crazy it's always horsing around.

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her "Hey what’s going on ? Why you cry ? Where are your parents ? What happened ?". The girl said under a crying sad voice "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers then my mother and raped my sister." The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breech cloth then said “Guess this isn’t your day is it”