Horse jokes
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?
Pony-tails.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
Yooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Why can’t orphans have a horse?
Because they run away like their mum did.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?
Christopher Reeve's horse.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.