Horse jokes
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that鈥檚 what killed her!
What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?
Christopher Reeve's horse.
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?
What do you call a Pegasus that is being sus?
A megasus!
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's.
Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."
Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Why did the cow smell?
'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.
What鈥檚 the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they鈥檙e both mythical creatures.