Horse jokes

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!

What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?

Christopher Reeve's horse.

What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?

Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.

Q: What do gay horses say?

A: "Geigh!"

What do you call a Pegasus that is being sus?

A megasus!

What did the horses say to the donkeys?

"Jackasses, please like!"

Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?

Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's.

A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.

Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."

What did the horse say when his throat was sore?

I have a hoarse throat!

Why did the cow smell?

'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.

So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"

Get it? "Horse-ing."