Horse Jokes

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

your mom

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?

Down Quijote.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"

Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Q: What did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy?

A: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Why couldn't the pony sing a song?

He was a little horse.

😫 😂 😑 🤔 😳 😬 😑 🙄

🥴 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺

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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜

Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”

a horse walks in a bar. the bartender said why the long face

An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.

What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

Hears a clean joke: My horse got muddy, so I gave him a bubble bath.

Now hears a dirty joke: Bubbles is the horse next door.