Horse jokes
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."
What do you call a Pegasus that is being sus?
A megasus!
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?
"Use the horse!"
What does a gay horse eat?
Heyyy!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
What hairstyle do horses like best while reading a story?
Pony-tails.
Q: What did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy?
A: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."