Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
Horror Jokes
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
