Home jokes
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
I would create an orphan website, but you need a homepage to do that.
"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?
I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
Biggest chungest coming home, bitches!
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
Knock knock. Hwoo's there? Far from home. Hwoo's far from home? Spider-Man.
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.