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Home jokes

Ovation

    • I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

    I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

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    • Orphan

    • One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.

    One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.

    Bang

    • "Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

    "Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

    "Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.

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    • Cat

    • I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

    Food

    • "One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

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    • Orphan

    • What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?

    I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.

    Incest

    • Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!

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    • Snake

    • Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

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