Home jokes

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"

"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!