Hit jokes
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.
Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.
Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.
My dad hits me :(
Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was hit by a bus.
A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...