My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
History Jokes
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
What was so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
The bomb.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?
Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
What do you call a house party for slaves?
An auction house.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
What was the most useful tool in the 17th century?
Slaves.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.
What did the South tower get instead of pepperoni pizza?
It got a bunch of plane.
"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."
Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"
Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.
North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"
