I'm so proud of my Grandpa. He killed Hitler himself.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
Your hairline is so far back dinosaurs are seeing it.
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.
One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."
Paul Walker is the best legend to go down in history. Change my mind.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because walls.
Titanic hit a dimetrodon.
(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!
(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!
(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.
(Titanic ll) yeah boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :) (iceberg) ok at least there isn't 99 more titanics (99 more titanics pop up) yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy:) (iceberg) :(
Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
What do you call a man who offended an NFL player...
Odin Floyd.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
Shame on King Tut! Tsk-tsk!
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.
