Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?
Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.
What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.
Iran: So?
Japan: Twice!
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?
I did nazi that coming!
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
What do you call Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
The world's first microwaves.
Why is America better than Japan at rapping?
Because we're better at dropping bombs.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
