Him jokes

Why was the orphan so successful?

They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream

My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.

The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."

Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.