Hey Jokes

Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."

"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"

"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."

"I meant the ice cream, bro..."

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Man: Hey Siri!

Siri: Yes?

Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?

Siri: Uh...

*phone literally explodes*

A four-panel image with three yellow smiley faces and a screenshot of a Wikipedia article. The first smiley face is smiling with two thumbs up and says 'hey so um'. The second smiley face is smiling and says 'there's this girl'. The third smiley face is turned upside down and says 'and um'. The fourth panel is a screenshot from Wikipedia about 'The Game (mind game)'. The text reads: "The Game is a mental game where the objective is to avoid thinking about The Game itself. Thinking about The Game constitutes a loss, which must be announced each time it occurs. It is impossible to win most versions."

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

"Hey, you! Why are you so serious?"

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

What did John Cena say to Ray Charles?

Hey, man.

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?

Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.

Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.