Hes Jokes

Wye did the orphan sleep outside... because he gets to wake up toe mother nature

My dad died in 9/11, He was a great pilot

my best friend got ligma (ah did he, sorry bro) LIGMA BALLS

Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff

My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater

Why doesn't a skeleton to dance. Because he had no body to dance with. Lol sans

There was a kid named buttitches and his teacher was taking attendance. then the teavher asked"what is your name"? And he answered "buttitches" Then the teacher asked again "what's your name" and he replied buttitches. Then a student yelled out "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY"!!

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven't seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said "Oh no! i forgot the cereal!" then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “Change the damn diaper you idiot.”

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, "okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "what?" As he looked over at Jim.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

Why cant Juice Wrld play Black Ops II ? Because he cant handle 6 perks

How did the hipster drown?

He ice-skated before it was cool.

3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man "how did you die?" the man says "I have a heart condition and iv'e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man "how did you die?" the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"