Hes jokes

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because he got stuck in a crack.

Why does Michael Jackson like spaghetti? He likes the little meatballs.

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

A man walks into a bar.

Then he walks into a Pole.

Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.