Hes jokes

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.

What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because he got stuck in a crack.

When does a doctor get mad?

When he runs out of patients!

Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.

What did Batman do when he went shopping?

Got ham!

A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.

Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

A man walks into a bar.

Then he walks into a Pole.

Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.