Hes jokes
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
THIS IS A RHYME
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.
Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,
and they had a little fun.
Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are he he.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.