Hes jokes
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
Memes
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months?
He lost May.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
THIS IS A RHYME
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.
Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,
and they had a little fun.
Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.