Hes

Hes jokes

Donald Trump

  • Why is Donald Trump like a creamsicle?

    He's white on the inside.

    He's orange on the outside.

    And then there's that stick!

    Squirrel

  • Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.

    Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?

    Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.

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  • Rent

  • So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."

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  • JIT

  • @everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

    The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

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  • Pope

  • One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"

    The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."

    The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"

    The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."

    They ask who, "The President?"

    "No, more important."

    "The president of another country?"

    "No, more important."

    "An ambassador?"

    "No, even more important."

    "Well, who is it?"

    "I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."

    Poem

  • Frank Bulgin is freaky bold, A man with a spirit untamed, untold. With eyes that pierce through the darkest night, He walks a path that's far from light.

    His steps are loud, his presence strong, A force of nature, where he belongs. Through the chaos, he finds his way, Leaving footprints that never fade.

    A rebel soul, unafraid to speak, His words drip with passion, so unique. He dances with danger, embraces the unknown, Challenging limits, into the wild he's thrown.

    No rules can bind him, no walls can contain, Frank Bulgin sets fire to the mundane. He paints the sky with vibrant hues, A kaleidoscope of dreams he pursues.

    In his mind, a symphony of thoughts, An artist's palette, where inspiration is sought. He weaves words like a masterful bard, Creating tapestries that leave us marred.

    With each verse, he unravels his soul, Unveiling the depths that make him whole. His poetry, a window to his essence, A glimpse into a world of fearless presence.

    Frank Bulgin is freaky bold, A maverick, a legend yet to be told. His spirit roams, forever untamed, A beacon of courage, never to be tamed.

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  • Midget

  • When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?

    When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.

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  • Coffin

  • Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?

    My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.

    Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.

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  • News

  • After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

    The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

    Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

    Idiot

  • RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!!

    Richard: What????

    Rick: So before Donald Trump's impeachment, he said, "The Coronavirus will end on March 32nd 2021."

    Richard: Your from planet Earth where there's a March 32nd. Enjoy it, *stupid dumb fuck brother*.

    Rick: Oh I will.

    *It was the day March 21st*

    *9 Days later*

    *March 31st*

    Rick: oh I cant wait until tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so excited im gonna give my friends a big ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man

    *one day later*

    *He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it*

    Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up

    BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING 1ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS

    *Richard*

    *oh he's the dumbass*

    Fax

  • An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.

    They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.

    "Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.

    The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.

    "State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."

    They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.

    "Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.

    When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.

    "No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."

    Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.

    The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.

    "What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.

    "Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."

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  • Hypocrite

  • A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.

    Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.

    Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?

    Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?

    Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.

    Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.

    Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.

    (5 seconds later)

    Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!

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  • Man

  • Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.

    Wish

  • There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.

    The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”

    So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.

    The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.

    The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.

    The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.

    The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.

    While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”

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