How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
Hes Jokes
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
