Hes jokes

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

What does Sonic say when he's bored?

Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

Why was the PUBG player sad?

Since all his friends went to school while he went to Pochinki.

Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he's not coming.

Teacher: We have a new student. He's an orphan.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Student: His parents.

What did a skeleton say when he's alone?

"I'm so bonely..."

What does the beet DJ say when he's partying?

"Dance to the beet, y'all!"

Why can't the T-Rex cross the road?

Because he's extinct.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*

Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?

Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.

He’s got himself.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

Why is ten afraid? Because he’s in between nine and eleven.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?