Hes jokes
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
Why was three afraid of two? Because he killed everyone!
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Never trust a Justin, he is made up of atoms that make up everything.
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"