What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."