Hes jokes
There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
Why did the midget not go to bed?
He couldn't reach the bed.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.