I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races Because he comes in a little behind
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.
Oh well, that's politics.
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.
My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?
Adam and Eve are wondering wether they are black or white. Eve says why dont you go and ask god. So Adam goes into the garden of eden and shouts out to god are we black or white? A big booming voice bellows out YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE. He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. How do you know asks Eve. Because he said you are what you are Adam replied. Why does that mean we are white? asked Eve. Because if we were black he would have said You is what you is.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
