Hes jokes
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
Trump got a new jet.
He's probably already licked the windows.
Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.
He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.