Herring jokes

Friendship

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

Lamb

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

Compliment

How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?

Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"

Sex

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

Memes

Sex

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

Mama

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

Mama

Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.

Mama

Your mama is so fat. Her high school picture is an aerial photograph.

Mama

Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.

Woman

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

Nut

What did the mama nut say to her son?

“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”

Mom

Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat, a bus ran into her and she said, "WHO THREW THAT TWINKIE AT ME?!"

Friend

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.