Herring jokes

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

Her last name starts with "A" and ends with "D," and the middle letters are "P-O-O."

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!

Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!

Hehehehehe.

Why did God give women legs?

1. To look at.

2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.

What is a redneck virgin?

A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.

Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?

Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.

A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"

Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."

So guys, I have a friend who is named Sarah, and I was riding bikes with her the other day, and she told me she is gay. I totally support her. I love that she is open about it and not scared to tell people about it. I hope you guys can support her too! I love you all! :)))

A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her.

Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.

Isn't It Purrfect!

She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."

Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.

How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.

I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.