Hereness jokes

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

Yo Mama is so fat that Nationwide took nine years to get on her side.

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"

Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.

What did an Arab say to feed his kid?

'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'

Hi, I'm new here.

Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?

There, there, over there, and over here too.

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?

Open wide, here comes the plane!

The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

Wow! The jokes on here are so dark they pick my cotton!

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

What did Jupiter say to Uranus? Hey, I can see your Uranus from here!

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

On April Fool's, go to an orphanage and tell them that their parents are here to pick them up.

These two guys were texting each other.

Guy 1: How are you?

Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*

Guy 1: ???

Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)

What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"