Hereness jokes

Wanna hear a joke?

My life.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

How do terrorists feed their babies?

"Here comes the aeroplane!"

Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?

Birbal: 8,971.

Akbar: What if there are fewer?

Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.

Akbar: What if there are more?

Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.

A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

Yo Mama is so fat that Nationwide took nine years to get on her side.

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"

Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.

What did an Arab say to feed his kid?

'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.

Hi, I'm new here.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

With a poke-poke here,

And a poke-poke there,

Here a poke, There a poke, everywhere a poke-poke!

"The f*** am I even doing here?"

Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

Cam was hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!