Hereness Jokes

Nah c'mon guys we don't let jokes like this fly around here

Did you here about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

What do Children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings! Not funny, here’s another Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat

At baseball practice... Hey John did you bring the bucket of balls? No but I got two right here

guess what song this is from:

I'LL CUT YOU INTO LITTLE BITTY PIECES

OR FREEZE YOU TILL YOUR BLOOD RUNS COLD

OR STAB YOUR TIL' YOU HEART STOPS PUMPING

I'M HERE TO REALIZE YOUR WISH FROM WHAT I'M TOLD

Expectation: Brr, I’m cold! Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!

Reality: Brr, I’m cold! Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather.

My Teacher said ̈Im gonna leave soon, i dont want to be here anymore! ̈, So i shot her.

A hamburger walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."

yo hairline over here lookin like the Nile River

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

Stephen Hawkings is sooo lucky to go to heave- Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.

so heres the joke, A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

Here's a sex joke. . . . What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them

Dad: Hey son wanna here a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbors dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life son! My life is the joke.

Sometimes i wish my gf was here that way we could have some fun in my bed, the I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

Here Comes The Airplane!

I’m gonna jump to my death. Don’t worry. I won’t jump far. Just off this chair here...

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”