Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
Her Jokes
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
Yo mama is so dumb, her reflection said, "Who are you?"
My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.
There was a big problem yesterday.
My dishwasher has stopped working; her visa had expired.
Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.
Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.
