Her jokes

There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

How do you get a hippy pregnant?

Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.

Yo mama so fat I bet that her fart can clear a room in seconds.

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

You know why they call her Wonder Woman?

She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.

Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Sayori: *dies*

Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"

MC: "😨"