Her jokes
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. đŽâđ¨
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. Theyâre appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girlâs mom says, âDear, he doesnât seem to be a very nice boy.â
âOh, please, Mom!â says the daughter. âIf he wasnât nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?â
How do you give an "Alabama Girl" a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, NICE TOOTH!"
Yo mama so ugly that when the Kool-Aid Man busted through her wall, he said, âOh no!â
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Yo mama is so Jewish that pennies run away from getting pinched by her.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the âBloody Gummerâ.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie. You other brothers canât deny that sheâs fly. We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that. She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks Iâm half black. But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F. Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ainât a chef And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol But if I were you, I wouldnât kiss your mom on the mouth at all. She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed. She likes rough sex with handcuffs and Iâll be honest She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna. Sheâs so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess. I didnât wanna tell you, but I had to write this song Cause Iâm in your house every night doin' your mo-om.
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom
Iâm havin' sex with your mother That makes me better than you. Iâm havin' sex with your mother That makes me better than you.
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"