Her jokes

Leo is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads her, but we're forced to deal with her anyway.

Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.

I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.

Her (DYM 121).

If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.

"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

Yo mama so fat, a bus ran into her and she said, "WHO THREW THAT TWINKIE AT ME?!"

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!